Prey

"Nice animal, after the pursuit, after the chase and the hunt, could be very useful. Let's stretch its skin and make some sort of drums or maybe some shoes. Lets take isn't muscles and turn them into some fat and burn it for some food, Lets use its intestines to make some strings and bands, Nice bones, we could use them to kill more of its kind!" said the hunters.

"They killed me" said the deceased prey.

Scrambled thoughts

Years, I spent wandering in this puzzling, wondering what's the rule or the law that binds it all together. Looking for the one in a million million instance when all those rules break apart where supernatural things happen. What's love? And what's life? Are we meant to live a random life where love and marriage is just another trick or treat? Is love a feeling or a meaning or a motive? Is love a spiritual gift or is it just another satisfaction of needs and habits? In this life, are we all meant to be heroes? Or just some anonymous background roles. Do others exist or is it just me?

For a while now I have been separated from my senses, I do what I hate and forget what I need, to live. All my words make perfect sense if one knows the clew. and the Clew is always in time and place. My hand pulses as my nerves are over stressed. I want to hide somewhere where it's quiet. Solitude is a warm blessing sometimes in a busy demanding life.

It's been couple of days, didn't talk with God for a while, something in me is not alright. Maybe because of the now career I have begun. Starting over when I am almost Thirty! Will I make it somewhere? Will I see the vision fulfilled? Tired, so tired. Exhausted and beat. My body kills itself and my brain wastes itself, my life slips out of my hands and my breath cease. I have lost the warmth of life as I froze my inner feelings. HE said "go & do" and I went and did, but the price was so dear. Sometimes HE shows dreams and visions so bright and pretty, so good but the price is not always like so. Most of the time, a Life is paid in ransom. A slow and painful death is the only way to make sure other lives flourish.

Die seed die. you shall then live, and even if you don't others shall. You, little seed are good weather you win or loose a fight for your breath and sunshine. If you die you feed a worm and if you live you feed a man, then the worm but surface and the birds get you. I saw you swollen, I saw you rapturing, I sow some hope when your step pushed up. I saw some little roots, but will I live to see the fruits? O life of mine, when will you shine. When will you show, and what I believed would grow? When will I reach the end to what I started? The purpose of what I was granted? Sweet sweet day will I see your dawn? will the masks of your mysteries be blown? Will you come and stay, or leave and take me away? Spin O Earth and spin, release the power within, let today go away and bring tomorrow to the bay. I lived for tomorrow so long that I don't feel time. As if someone stole my rhyme. Don't misunderstand me for one who grumbles or whines, I love my life, but I miss so much.

A vision is a blessing but it pushes its seer to a loop darkness. One sees the bright sunlight then enters a dark room sees nothing but is blinded by what he saw. Science speak words of knowledge to be fathomed by the wise in heart. The wise knows things that Intellectuals may not link together. For the knowledge and understanding of time is half the wisdom. Recognizing the time and foreseeing beyond is only given and not taken. The ancient wise man knew that and testified that the peeks of wisdom are the fear of God. Any wise man would confirm, but the proud would desperately argue, but the words of the wise stand tall through the test of time not the proof of words.

Swinging between the peeks of wisdom and the pits of ignorance. But within me is a will and a determination, a persistent heart that keeps me sleepless and crying out loud with unquenchable pitch of thirst that is never fulfilled but by the springs of God.

My words cease.

Draft thoughts

Years, I spent wandering in this puzzling, wondering what's the rule or the law that binds it all together. Looking for the one in a million million instance when all those rules break apart where supernatural things happen. What's love? And what's life? Are we meant to live a random life where love and marriage is just another trick or treat? Is love a feeling or a meaning or a motive? Is love a spiritual gift or is it just another satisfaction of needs and habits? In this life, are we all meant to be heroes? Or just some anonymous background roles. Do others exist or is it just me?

For a while now I have been separated from my senses, I do what I hate and forget what I need, to live. All my words make perfect sense if one knows the clew. and the Clew is always in time and place. My hand pulses as my nerves are over stressed. I want to hide somewhere where it's quiet. Solitude is a warm blessing sometimes in a busy demanding life.

It's been couple of days, didn't talk with God for a while, something in me is not alright. Maybe because of the now career I have begun. Starting over when I am almost Thirty! Will I make it somewhere? Will I see the vision fulfilled?

Waves of that bright sun

I sailed endlessly in that golden sea of light, with its waves so curvy yet so tender. pearls of white sparkle underneath its secrets. Beautiful red fish swim in one accord together like well trained dancers. I saw those beautiful eyes looking down on me, like twin planets of amazing hallows around them. I paused and wondered, where was I? I found out I was lost in the sea of your beauty.

Tribute to a gorgeous woman who I dearly cherish.

Remembering

Tired, so tired. So much thoughts flow within my mind, like a wild mountain torrent, gushing water violently with rocks and pebbles. Something touches me within the sounds of nature, sounds of music and singing. The world of visuals have changed us dumb and alone. My single mind wildly rages against all the limits I have chosen as a safety zone, I drift in dangerous lands. Careful, that bear just lost her cubs. I don't expect to be understood for I don't expect a reader. What the hell is wrong with life? why is it going so wrong? Or is it that I was taught faulty about life and the balance of it. I wait and wait, till I die to know the truth. I don't believe the words of men any more, I reached that point where I see naked people, or should I say "People; naked" Motives, desires, needs and strength points. I have become so pale as a spirit, so transparent as a thought. You can hurt me with your breath and disperse my existence as a rising smoke. I am tired of all others, I find not myself with people, cause all that people want is themselves and not the other. Though I care about the people, they take but never give. A selfish globe that I wish I could leave right now, but Life, I was given; and Life, I live. The puke of my mind makes me more sick of myself, the sores of my heart grew beyond the size of it. Yes, I feel alone. People are just numbers when each count one. But where are you who count others along with yourself? Where is this being that reaches a hand for another? A romantic dream to find someone like so. someone who still remembers, still longs for that long buried secret of life. The source of warmth and light.. Do u still remember love? Do you?

The Dream!

Walking along the unstopping roads of time, all through the hills of triumph and the valleys of weakness, around the borders of the never drying seas and the dehydrated deserts, over the mountains and beneath the caves. Now I stop to look back, I see all I have been through, all that I past and all that has past by me. And though I still am in the middle of nowhere, I still have something within me that keeps me going on. I see nothing for I am surrounded by the fog of the variables of the future, Though those variables are very well calculated and previously set to be in a delicate and particular form, the picture forms with time and in time it will be another clear skies. I admit I have no hope, But I have faith. A kind of faith that exists when all hope vanishes. A kind of Faith that doesn't need hope, neither feelings nor sanity. A faith that is counted lunacy and dismissed as foolishness. Yes, if you call it foolishness then I am proud to be one. I don't mind no more, I yet follow the Voice that woke me up one day from my dead sleep, That Voice that shook the dreams off my mind, Woke me up from my sleep to open my eyes to a Dream, Like nothing I ever imagined possible nor even fantasized about, A dream, My eyes are open wide and yet I can see. A dream that robbed me out of all other joys of life and rendered everything else in my life shallow and gloomy. A dream that placed me where I was supposed to be, consumed me like I was meant to, drifted me where I should have! To the ends of this earth I went, back and forth and God knows how many miles I shall walk more. I shall, Though for now I wait.. Still I hold on.

The day It was revealed to me I took it and claimed it mine, For which fool is he to leave a diamond that was granted freely to him? and who would not chase a rolling golden coin down the stairs? I found much much more than any living being could ever conceive! I shall not step back, ever! I became nothing and my dream became me, I became a dream, I live the dream, for it and by it! For It was the pleasure of Him to form me as I am for a reason, a vision and a dream. I am glad to live it and die within its chapters. It's an honor to be mentioned within its tales and stories and to be counted within its riddles.

Back to my senses now, I feel that cool spring breeze slip along my face with scents of the first fruits. Though I don't know how far I must go or how long it will take for me to reach it, My heart fills with joy. It beats a happy rhythm, careless, reckless and spontaneous. I don't care, I don't exist no more and I don't want to, count me dead or never been! Who cares? I don't and I am happy now, Happy when I am no more, Happy when I am gone, Happy to be a frame and an embodiment of Another. Given promises, trained, set and well prepared. All that I am is for this, and this is for greater good, for Else and yes for me. Me that is no more.

Either if I still breath or if I don't need it, I open my eyes and I see the dream, I see a different light, I see a beautiful Dawn. Secrets of the Ancient Days, News of the New Era. I see and know what my tongue is forbid to speak clearly about. Peace be to all, Love and Joy beyond measure. My heart is like a little child, I can't express can't explain. Can't explain why a flower finds joy to loose its beauty to become a fruit and a seed, to die and become another, same as its own kind. Nothing is in my hands now, now stick, no gold, not even another robe. I have nothing and yet I own everything, with authority over many. I need none, but that silky dream. That smooth transparent vision of a distant future that grows unnoticed within the beats of the moment. Although I had to die for it to be, I see myself within its pages. It's much more better to live within than to live without. The price has been paid and still is, every step, every thorn, every heartache, every sacrifice and every goodbye. Now, though I have never seen its fullest, I say.. it's worth it, No regrets what so ever. New I am for another trip and another walk, another danger, another challenge, another cut, another and another, I don't care. My hands wont let go, I hold on.. to the dream!

Job Search

Today I went online to do some job hunting. Visited couple of well known websites, did my thing and the search results came with an absolute Zero results! Tried different key words, different ways.. Nothing! Later on I started to realize that I might not ever find a job this way, at least not in Egypt or the middle east. It is very frustrating, really. It seems like being a Filmmaker and a Director is not easy at all. I have see no hope, but yes, I still have Faith.