Status Functional

Stress Stress Stress, dead lines, running, not much time not much energy, Over loaded schedule! too tired, can’t find some sleep. Subway sometimes is so tricky, i end up taking the wrong trains a lot of time, thought each of them is significantly marked! it seems like my mind is stuck somewhere else, don’t know. Sleepless, seeking rest, mindless seeking an idea. what have I become? just another slot machine, put some food and water, press a button and it’s on the run again. Yet I feel, couple of days ago i thought I was numb, but actually I am not, I am burdened to the extent that I no longer know what I am doing no more. I don’t, I Function! That's ALL.

Stripped

Been a long long day, the final thing we had was an open audition. I watched a dozen talents perform, but only a few left a mark. It was a new experience to me, learnt a lot. Most of all I realized I had an eye for a director, I might not have discovered a talent, but at least I discovered myself. One of the comments that made me reach that realization was a comment made by one of the instructors that an actual director would know a talented actor from a non talented one in seconds. Amazingly I could read the talents the first couple of seconds they started acting! even if that first performance wasn't up to standard. I could see the fear in them, I could see the trapped talent too. It was great. But I am so tired.

Emotionally I am so exhausted, I don't know what I feel any more. I became so independent since I came here, loneliness doesn't hurt me any more. I don't feel love or hate. The only thing I feel is hunger and exhaustion, heh! crazy. I feel I am stripped out of my human feelings, like a lion bread for war, you will have to rip him into pieces before he gives in. What heart am I? What kind of man am I? What have I become? A monster, a beast, skinned alive and yet feels nothing. What do I do?? I only leave a question knowing that I might not find the answer, maybe never. I don't know.

Another Day

Another Day in New York, The weather is so changing, you cannot predict what tomorrow will bring. Went shooting yesterday with my team. we finished ahead of schedule, good. Today we got a lot of things to do too.. editing, directing and stuff. Tired. Guys here are so worried about the final project, well we should be anyway. I keep avoiding the thought of it. Anyway, It seems pretty engaging yet exhausting. After all that's what I expected anyway, I am not disappointed. That's good. I have to get going now, Got some Directing Craft session.