Tired

Legs running a sequence of never ending steps in this endless race, Heart beats out the heart, mind so dim, breath so thirsty, blinding bouncing. Days and nights I still my life. No peace for the living, everything seem to be the face cover of my enemy, everything turns out to be his mask. he has made all things around me to be weapons for my destruction, people, things, animals and even words and jokes.

I fell a thousand times, yet I get up, though I want to give up, something in me tells me to try again. Something in me wants me to press on, each step I take is a battle in itself, every heartbeat is another war. Where do I get the strength? Where do I get the Hope? Where does my help come from?? Is it not the Lord, my soul? Is it not Him who lifts me up? Is it not He who brought me out of Egypt, the land of slavery? And yet it will be Him who will bring me to His rest, it's He who will give me victory over His enemy, It's He who will give me this land.

Fail me not my heart, trust the Lord your God and persevere, for life and goodness is for you, gracefully given by your loving Father.

Help me O Lord, for body is fainting, yet my soul seeks to go on. Grab me by the hand and pull me out of this. Carry me for I am so weak, bring me to your rest and save me from the traps of my enemies. And You Lord will be praised in all the earth for You are Good, You only are God

Summer

Mind tired and head so heavy. The heat hunts my energy, draining the life out of me. At the edge of nowhere, consumed by trying to look for tomorrow. "What now?" I ask, Lifting my eyes to God. I am in the middle of Nowhere Lord, closer to the edge of space. Time is not mine to manage anymore, Energy slips through my fingers into the sand. You speak of great things, yet where I am is so low. I want to panic, rebel, worry; but I keep reminding myself of Faith. I don't want to loose the promises because of my unfaithfulness, and lack of trust. Help me! I can't do this alone, Help me do it. I can't do it by myself, I need You Lord.

War is upon me, my enemies are using all weapons to kill my spirit within me and captivate my very own soul. They want to put out the flame kindled within me before the light spreads, killed in infancy, they seek to kill me in my cradle. Goodness is not found in them, honesty is far from them. Tongues of lies and bodies of lust, words of deceit and their steps lead to hell. Days and nights they attack me, waves after waves they come. I swim, and I drown, then I reach out for air again. My Life is within me yet, the storm is far away from ending, the night seem so long and the darkness seems without end. Knives thrust through my mind and flesh tearing through my will.

I look up to you Lord, and to You I lift my silent cries, with invisible tears I cry within me. I wait and wonder, When? I have waited and waited and yet I don't know, Maybe I understood You wrong, But No! If You have told me once I would have doubted, More than one time in many ways You told me. But You never told me when.. May my prayers reach your courts, may my case be considered, I shall trust your Goodness and your Love to me and I will rest my case for I know that the Lord has bent His ears to my words, His eyes sees my mere existence and knows it all. All He has done is for good and after the turning of days I shall know and witness for His Grace, The day will come when I will rejoice in the name of the Lord my God, He shall deliver me, and into the promise He shall establish my throne, All that His mouth have spoken, Shall come to pass, and I will Glorify the Lord my God and Father forever.

At the shores of the Promised Land.

Tired. Can't sleep, can't wake up. Mind so weary of thinking. So many uncertainties. When I sleep I dream of all them, the worst always happens there. When I am awake I see visions of all the good God promised me. Day and Night, Good and Evil. Continual war is upon me, I can't loose guard for a second. Sounds like too much, but when I think of it, I choose to remind myself that He knows all. The Lord shall not forsake me, and above all He knows what I go through. He has a purpose of all this and the outcome will be for good.

Make my hands strong O Lord for my enemies have gathered around me, they lay in wait for my soul, setting a trap for my mind and spirit. Make way for me through the sea, they stood on the shore laughing at me saying "where is your God now? How would he take you across without a boat? Your arms are not even strong to swim. Come back with us to your place, under the tables again." I look up to you my Lord for my enemies have mocked me, they have belittled my faith, telling me there is no way out for me. But Lord I choose to believe, even if it is getting hard, I don't want to give up just before the dawn and band my eyes forever. Your promises are so sweet and precious that I would never be able to find their match somewhere else. Help me Lord, Father! for I am so tired.

The Spirit of the Lord awakes me, Gives me a new breath in my nostrils, a new beat for my heart and a new way for my feet to go. Through lots of water He creates a way, through walls and mountains, He makes a new path. Wonders and miracles are the work of His hands, the second He chooses the Time. He will bring my righteousness to the light, and declare cleanliness of my hands, for I have followed Him with all my heart and kept His laws. His mercies surround me all the days of my life, and I shall see the goodness of the Lord forever.

Bleeding but nod dead yet.

Mind so tired to vibrate, the is not much energy left in me. The day, i fight people; at night, their ghosts. It's a war that goes on all against me, not stopping or coming to a halt. A war that will only stop by my defeat. I lost many battles, but yet somehow I got to rise to fight another one. Blood is on my hands, the enemy knows me when he hears my name, or even feels my breath and heartbeat. The enemy that hides within the tree, within the holes, within darkness. through the cracks of my past he creeps in, attacks my walls from within. Taking a face of fear, or a face of a friend, resourceful as he is he leaves no chance for chance, prepares his traps for me ahead, lures me into his nets. dipping his hooks in my flesh. They are all around O Lord! They are everywhere to be found, I have not found peace since even before I was born, War is upon me all day and all night. Within the folds of the hearts of loved ones he hide, taking disguises in those who i trusted. No rest for me, nor a place to rest my head. I might be fallen but not defeated, I might be beaten, wounded and even bleeding my life out but noway I am giving up life. My time is not here yet and shall not be. Though i might be alone, I am not forsaken! Him who made my days a fact shall not let my defeat a reality, shall not leave me a prize to His enemies. He, is why i am here, and He is why I shall be here even more. The ones who once beat me shall fall, the ones who forsaken me shall regret yet my hands shall not bear the iniquity of avenging myself. Him who called me is the Judge of all and at His time He shall bring Justice upon the Earth.

Save me O Lord, Save me from the death that lingers within the folds of my heart. Don't let my enemies overcome me, don't make my enemy rejoice for my failure. Lift me up again my Lord and breath in me life that I might rise again. I have fallen yet the Lord has not abandoned me, I have failed yet He shall not fail me. To His words I hold my faith. For every single word He spoke is true, those that were not fulfilled till now, will be. Not one of His words shall fade or be forgotten. I doubt the existence of this earth more than I doubt that a letter of His words should die, For His words are life breathing into the listener, They create, restore and support. Him who loves me is greater that existence and greater than life, for life is in Him. Him who loves me Will Save Me! out of this tomb he shall lift me up. HE is the One My soul awaits, He shall call for a day of victory and a day of Rejoicing in this land.

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned greatly against you, Save me from death and blackness. My soul seeks you and my heart squeezes my sinful blood out of it. I die so that I might live, I leave that I might find, I give up that I might Gain. You. Lord. Father. Strike me with your fire, Burn me and purify me with your HOLY SPIRIT. Sanctify and Anoint me again. Bring me under you wings of Love. I see them, Those blood drops of Jesus falling, for a sinner that is me. I have seen the salvation of the Lord, I have seen His Lamb, I have seen His ever living Alter, His Tree of Life! I shall not Fall to my enemies, I shall RISE, For His desire is not for me to go in darkness but to overcome in the Light. I shall not fail, I shall not Loose for now I know that You are with me Lord, Now I know your shield is all around me. I am not little I am great for the Lord is on my side. The enemy is broken before your face Lord, the hooks, the net, the traps and the holes of darkness are broken. The Lord gives me victory today over my enemy, The Lord Saves me, and to His promises He will bring me. Tonight I declare the Victory of the Lord. In my weakness He is strong. I was fallen but Now I am up. To war, To hell or doom, I shall be. He shall save me out of the lion, the bear,the giant or even a raging army. for He is the Lord, In Him I trust and He shall never Fail me nor Forsake me.