A Warrior within Skin

I cornered myself in my quiet place, blocked my ears with some music. Held back my breath and blurred my vision, I drew back within the layers of my skin, conscious yet non responsive. Feeling so sick i want to puke, I want to throw my heart out, i want to erase my existence. Is it the light that brings out the faults of man, and reveals his sickness? or is it the darkness that brings man to the end of his tolerance to his fallen nature? Maybe both.. Too much blackness, too much light, so strong contrast, burns the eyes. My head is heavy, like that who is drunk, and him who is stoned. I need no drink nor drug, sorrow fills me and bitterness burns me, more than enough, more than enough. Sometimes I wish I could disappear, like jump into a silent dimension, a very slow moving one. I want to watch the birds fly, the breeze move the branches and the waves curl.. slowly, as slow as they could be. I want to see a smile on a pretty face, a dance of a baby girl, I want to hear the giggle of a child and a joke of a young lad. I want to stand by the cliffs at the edge of the ocean and feel the winds against my face. I want to hold hands with my woman, and take a walk on the sands of the beach. I want to be human again. Human, yes not like me, not like you, like human beings used to be. O sick an perverted generation what have we become? Now men are those who provide and women are those who look good. Ha! neither this nor that do I accept. To you a god is one who gives, and if he takes, then you believe in none. Home is where you live not where you belong and life is what you take not what you give! Love is lust and lust is all that matters! Existence is oneself and coexistence is your cherished! I have set my horns against your deceit, my face against your lies. Beneath the light I walk, your darkness trips my feet! Though I stumbled I shall rise and though I fell I shall stand again. I have set my life to push against you, I have dedicated my being to reveal the ugliness of your nakedness! If you were a man I would have wrestled against you in flesh but spirits float and are fought in ways the flesh is counted useless with. I fought you on the dry lands, in the wilderness and on the mountain tops, I fought you in the marches and after midnight, in reality and in surrealism! I fought you in freedom and in bondage, in strength and in weakness, in flesh and spirit, in words and deeds. In all my ways I stood against your lies and lies and lies. you blinded so many and lead them astray and the same poison you use on me! Behold if I fall a wave will cover me and the strength of mighty waters shall push you away, I will be set back on my feet, stronger and wider than you ever imagined. I was bread as a creature of war and a beast of burden, raised in the wilderness and nurtured by the drought, I need and I also want! Yet I get what I should have. I didn't ask for war! Didn't ask to live those times but here I am and Him who brought me here knows better that this is where I fit. Secrets are hidden with in me and I shall not reveal, words can't explain nor my will or the sound of wisdom recommend. Fire are within my eyes set up against your blackness, kindled by the heavenly Thunders of Seven. He who has put me under this yoke knows that I will pull it and bear it. And I shall, not because I can anymore, but because now is when He will do it for me. He.. my Creator, Protector.. He who called me. He who I trust and He will Save me!